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What They Say (What They Really Mean)

Whenever a corporation tells you something, anything, it's probably put in such a complex and misleading way that you don't really catch what their saying (or even aware they were tried to tell you). This is an important tool of corporations because they love screwing you and to at least be fair they have you tell you their screwing you. So naturally they chose to tell you in the most indirect, complex, and down-played manner that you'll probably never realized they just told you something significant. Think about it, these companies can effectively advertise to you because they know where you live, study your media consumption habits, monitor your life style preferences, so they can build your trust and you'll give them money. When they want you to new something is new, great, and something you can't live without they print it onto expensive glossy paper with loud and vibrant colors or have some famous celebrity talking about it on some funny and amusing commercial. Although when it comes to serious issues they print it onto barely readable blocks amidst a galaxy of other nonsensical gibberish that's slipped in inconspicuously with other meaningless junk mail that's probably thrown away altogether without even a thought.

Below is what they say (and What They Really Mean)
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[ Source ] Any Heart Medication TV Commercial

[ Real Message ] Buy our pills although we're not promising it'll do anything-- even the risk of anything!

"May (may or may not) Help (assist in but not actually do anything) Reduce (bring down) the Risk (not the actual thing but only the risk of it) of certain (some kinds, but probably not the kind you have) of Heart Disease."

Bottom line:

What they mean is they might help bring down the potential danger of a specific type of heart disease, just not the one that's going to kill you. But still give them your money.

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[ Source ] Verizon Pamphlet

[ Real Message ] Verizon Wireless to Customers: Guess what? We're selling your private information!

Taken From: Verizon Wireless Customer Network Information Pamphlet they Mail you. It's informing you that now they are willingly selling your information (cell phone number, name, address and everything else they have of yours) for financial gain. Geez, aren't you glad you trusted Verizon?

Real Life Excerpt:

"Your Privacy is important to us"
(We have to tell you this in order to make it legal for us to screw you over)

"Verizon Wireless and its affiliates (the "Verizon Companies) (could be any company even remotely associated with us including the company that cleans our rugs at the office) provide services to you (just in case your so drunk and ignorant you don't know why you send us money each month). In doing so, we may each collect certain information (whatever information we want, at any point we wish to find it to make sure it's current) that is made available to us solely by virtue of our relationship with you, (the personal, confidential information we forced you to give us) such as quantity, technical information, type, destination, location (where you are at any given moment thanks to your phones GPS chip that the government forces us to install on your phone) and the amount of use of the telecommunications services you purchase (so we know how much money you have so we know how much we can further take from you). This information and related billing information (where you live, and when we find out, where you sleep) is known as Customer Proprietary Network Information (CPIN) (this allows us to identify the good stuff and ignore the boring stuff that won't make us money). The Federal Communications Commission and other regulators require the Verizon Companies to protect your CPIN (by protect, we only mean that we'll tell you, it won't actually stop us from doing it).

In order to better serve your communications needs (by finding all the other things we can charge you for) and to identify, offer and provide products and services to meet your requirements (things you don't really need but we'll pretend you do need), we need your permission (we don't actual need you to say yes, simply doing nothing means to us you said yes, but require your permission we really mean you actually have to do something to stop us) to share this information among our affiliates, agents and parent companies (including Vodafone) (which is an English company so you'll even have Brit's calling to sell you stuff) and their subsidiaries. The protection of your information is important to us (protection from our competitors because we only want our hands in your wallet ), and the Verizon Companies acknowledged (they didn't do anything about it, but they are at least "aware" of it) that you have a right, and we have a duty (to sell your personal information for financial gain!) under federal and state law (all the laws, by the way, we wrote and had congress pass by funding their political campaigns), to protect the confidentiality of your CPIN (CPIN? We're trying to downplay the severity of this matter, calling it your private, personal, and confidential information make scare you enough to actually stop us).

You have a right to keep your CPIN private by "opting out." (instead of you actually having to give your permission for us to solicit you, you have to do something to stop us) Unless you provide us with notice that you wish to opt out within 30 days of receiving this letter, (so we're hoping in that 30-day window you didn't read this pamphlet, or this statement, which is in tiny hard to read writing on a pamphlet containing 14 other long-winded paragraphs), we will assume (we should just say ass, which is what you are, or at least what we really think of you) that you give the Verizon Companies (notice it's not just Verizon Wireless, but the whole Verizon conglomerate of companies that span the entire globe) the right to share (your not only allowing us, your giving us the express right, duty and obligation to sell your information) with the authorized companies described above (we don't have to mention these companies again, it's not like it actually says anything because we're buying companies left to right). You may opt out by calling us at 1-800-333-9956 (but we're not going to mention the Federal Do Not Call List which would prevent anybody, even us from soliciting you, which is especially bad for us because it would make your information we just sold worthless because these companies couldn't legally solicit you, and then they'd want their money back) and following the recorded instructions (hopefully the call disconnects because our service is steadily going downhill while we redirect our money to buying more companies to sell you stuff).

Bottom Line:

It should to be you couldn't trust giving your information to those people who still give you a free Ford Mustang at the mall, but that just stood to reason. Now you can't trust the company that has an intimate business relationship with you, a company that knows your social security, your credit score, your location at any given moment. Fortunately, at least for now, we have the Federal Do Not Call List to offer us some protection-- and it's real easy too! Just log onto http://www.DoNotCall.gov and register all your numbers in one step!

( Thanks to my cousin Darani Diaz for turning me onto this document )